Being a friend to someone with BPD

With my friends at Brotzeit restaurant at Shangri-La Plaza.

Today, I was especially grateful that my friends and I were able to celebrate and have a good time somehow, because it’s been sad the past few days- some common friends very recently lost their loved ones.

But there’s another reason why I’m sad. One of my close friends will be migrating to the UK in a couple of months (well, she is close to me, I’m not sure if it’s mutual). I struggle to express what I’m feeling about this departure of hers, because my relationship with her isn’t as stable as the one I have with my other friends. This isn’t anyone’s fault at all. She’s been publicly vocal about this, she has Borderline Personality Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder, you see, and I myself have undiagnosed anxiety problems, so we have clashed a few times in the past (had a couple of spats) and it was draining and frustrating whenever those exchanges happened. Because of those encounters, I resolved to keep her at an arm’s length and limit my engagement with her, because I didn’t want to trigger her. I ultimately want to keep her around as my friend, and avoid having tense arguments.

It felt ironic and complicated, because I wanted to keep my distance and at the same time I still want to be close to her in any way I can afford, if that makes sense. I’m not sure if there’s a manual for this. Overall, my experiences with her since 2019 made me realize that I still have a LOT to learn when it comes to interacting with people who have conditions like BPD, DPD or ADHD or BD. I feel like I’m the worst person to engage with someone with who has these kinds of conditions because I am too blunt and opinionated sometimes.

So maybe I am sad that she’s leaving, because aside from her absence, this also means the end of my efforts to remain friends while keeping a distance, whatever that meant. I actually had not been sure of what I’m doing, it wasn’t really clear to me.

Now, there will be a forced and real physical distance. So does this mean I won’t be able to complete my learning curve in this area? Who knows. I don’t know, maybe it’s for the best. I hope we keep in touch over the years. She doesn’t really know it, but she’s been a fixture in my life for the past 6 years or so, and it’s hard to imagine her not being around.

By the time this website is published she would be at the UK already. Not sure if she will get to read this post. :) I’ll let her discover it on her own. XD I wish her all the happiness in the world!